19-year-old refuses to be the English translator for her parents after her 22-year-old brother also learns English: 'I've been forced to do it since I was 11'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 9, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's incredibly common for the children of immigrant parents to have to serve as translators for them, even when they're as young as 6 or 7. They have to explain their parents' medical problems to doctors, fill out confusing government paperwork, and order food at restaurants for the whole family. This service is not only expected of them, but also necessary for their family to function in a country that doesn't speak their native language. It's a lot of responsibility to put on a young kid, because one slip-up in the translation can lead to their parent getting worse healthcare or getting investigated by the IRS. 

While some kids of immigrants take pride in being the middleman for their parents, a lot of them find it annoying. It's a tedious job, and if you're literally the only one in your family who can do it, it starts to wear on you. 

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The young woman in this story used to be the only one in her family who spoke English, but not anymore. Her older brother has a better grasp of English than their parents. When she asked him to help her translate for their parents, he and their parents were hesitant to share the responsibility.

  • AITA for refusing to translate for my parents after my brother moved back in and took over my role in the house?

    I (19F) am the only one in my family who is fully fluent in English. My parents immigrated when I was a baby, and my older brother (22M) moved back to our home country when he was 10 to be raised by our grandparents. He recently moved back in with us after 12 years abroad.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • For most of my life, I've been the one handling everything for my parents: filling out forms, translating at appointements, reading legal documents, talking to banks, scheduling anything. I've done this since I was about 11. It was exhausting, but I didn't question it because I knew they needed help.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • A pile of papers sitting on top of each other
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Since my brother came back, things changed. He speaks decent English now, not perfect, but enough to help. Except... he doesn't. He just act like he's too good for it. And somehow, my parents act like he's the golden child. They dote on him, praise him constantly, and now they only speak to me when they need something.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • A week ago, they asked me to take time off work to translate at an immigration appointment for my mom. I said I couldn't, because I had a shift I couldn't miss, and I suggested they ask my brother instead. My mom said, "He's not used to this stuff. It's easier with you."
    via u/nina_daltry
  • I snapped a little and said, "yeah, because I've been forced to do it for years." I told them I was tired of being treated like a tool just because I happen to speak English better, especially now that they have another adult child living here. My dad told me I was being ungrateful and that" family helps without complaining."
    via u/nina_daltry
  • Man wearing black hat standing against wooden handrail
    via Ash Edmonds

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Since then, they've been cold. My brother said I was being "dramatic" and that it's not his fault they trust me more. But it's not about trust, it's that they've never even asked him. I've missed school, work, and social events to translate for them. He's been here three months and hasn't lifted a finger.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • Now I feel guilty. I don't want to abandon them, but I also don't want to keep carrying this alone just because I was born here and he wasn't. AITA for refusing to be their translator anymore?
    via u/nina_daltry
  • Champi_Feuille "family helps without complaining" Oh sweet, your brother can do it then. NTA obviously.
    via u/Champi_Feuille
  • nina_daltry OP That's exactly what I said. If family helps without complaining, then my brother can start doing it too. But my dad always says "it's not the same with your brother, he's not used to this stuff" like that justifies why he does nothing so yeah its all on me
    via u/nina_daltry
  • ornot_toby Then he should get used to this stuff
    via u/ornot_toby
  • Champi Feuille he's not used to this stuff Maybe it's time for him to get used to it, you have a life and you're not their free Google Translate.
    via u/Champi_Feuille
  • And tbh I think it's time for your parents to stop being lazy and start learning english. They're not stupid and it's not a complicated language to learn - you did it, I did it (I'm french lol) - and they'll finally be able to do stuff without having to constantly ask you to put your life on hold for them because your brother is too lazy to do it.
    via u/Champi_Feuille
  • ryverrat1971 Yes. Who in their right mind piles this type of responsibility on an 11 year old? Filling out critical paperwork for adults as a child is just a bizarre thing to make you do. They expected you to understand and translate what was in those documents. That should not be expected of a child. They needed to grow up and learn English.
    via u/ryverrat1971
  • No_Apartment_9277 LOTS of first gen immigrants.
    via u/No_Apartment_9277
  • DCpurpleTart33 Definitely NTA. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you are very happy to help, if you are available. You will not be taking off work or missing important events but if you're free, you look forward to assisting. If they have a problem with this, they can go ahead and be cold. You just need to be prepared for their reaction.
    via u/DCpurpleTart33
  • nina_daltry OP Yeah, that's exactly how I'm trying to handle it now. I wanted to help when I can, but I also have my own life and responsabilities. I've missed a lot already and honestly, it's frustrating that they expect me to drop everything every single time. If they get upset, that's on them, I can't keep burning out trying to be their full-time translator and assistant. I just wish my brother would step up too.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • OG_Fe_Jefe NTA. Why haven't they learned English after all these years?
    via u/OG_Fe_Jefe
  • nina_daltry OP yeah, I get why people ask that. But honestly, learning a new language as an adult is really hard, but maybe they never really tried because they knew they could always count on me to help
    via u/nina_daltry
  • Traditional_Koala216 Learning a new language is hard as an adult, but it's possible. They just never put in the effort bc they forced you at 11 to speak/write/translate for them. Do they think you're never gonna leave home??
    via u/Traditional_Koala216
  • These_Load857 They definitely don't expect her to leave home or town at least, even if married. She's a woman so it's obviously her responsibility to take care of her parents without complaints until she gets a husband, then it's her responsibility to take care of him, her kids, AND her parents AND his parents. Her brother on the other hand, he doesn't have time to concern himself with that, his job is to make something of himself so he can send checks to the parents later in life... and make mo
    via u/These_Load857
  • celticmusebooks If it's a government office they are legally required to provide an interpreter.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • nina_daltry OP yeah I've heard that too, but in practice it doesn't always work that way. A lot of the time my parents just feel uncomfortable asking or don't even know it's an option. And sometimes the interpreter isn't available, or the appointment gets rushed and they don't feel like they're understanding everything. It's way easier for them to just rely on me, which i get, but it gets really heavy when it's always me and no one else even offers.
    via u/nina_daltry
  • oliviamrow It's been easy to rely on you because they've trained you to let them. Continue to un-train yourself. You have an entire life ahead of you and they can't expect you to build that life around their needs. No parent should (though it seems quite a few parents do).
    via u/oliviamrow
  • It'll be hard, because they'll look at each instance individually and ignore the pattern. There will probably never be a situation where there's an easier option than you. Especially the first batch of times when they haven't built up a repertoire of alternative practices-- it will look to them like climbing a mountain, whereas wearing you down is barely a bump in the road. Why don't you just give in this time? And then this time? And then this time and on and on and on.
    via u/oliviamrow
  • They will never climb that mountain unless they have to. There will never be an easier option than you, so you have to make yourself not an option. This is difficult for people much older than you who don't live with their parents, though, so don't beat yourself up if you aren't able to do that immediately, or consistently. I hope you have an eye towards your future.
    via u/oliviamrow

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family drama languages entitled parents brother translation english entitled parent translate parenting language family sister Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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